MyPictureAs an intuitive counselor and psychic reader I have noticed an unusual trend among my adult female clients. Recently I am hearing over and over that they want to be popular and they fear they are not popular. I have not heard this very much from my male clients. The males largely feel that they have inadequate drive toward personal social goals, they are tending towards “couchpotatohood”.  But this is not about the guys, though a fellow can feel free to try these ideas, as they are mostly not about being female.

First I began to wonder, “Why now?” This trend has cropped up fairly suddenly. Can it be that the online social networks are failing us? Can one have 1000 friends on Facebook and still be lonely? Or is it that working from home or working independently has social consequences? Previously, worries about popularity seemed largely confined to teen and preteen girls. Now I am seeing it in adult women.

The first question I feel compelled to ask my clients is “How do you define popularity?” Here there is confusion. From my point of view, the questioners seem to lack close intimate interaction of a friendly sort. In short, someone in whom to confide. But they cite others who are invited to more social events, though when they do attend these events, they find the other attendees boring, shallow or filled with detrimental habits. They perceive that these others are having fun while they themselves are not. I am not at all sure that these others are having such great fun.

Often the women who the questioners are comparing their popularity to, are women who others have gravitated to for personal gain. For instance, perhaps the “popular” woman can hire others for a position, or has a publicized fortune, or a famous husband. On a certain level I feel as though the questioners are not seeing the situation clearly and in reality their role models are often not all that happy.

Putting that aside I am going to make a few practical (not psychic) suggestions and close with a visualization for popularity. The practical suggestions may seem very obvious but it is astounding how many of those persons asking (as well as others) do not take care of the obvious.

It seems awful to have to start by asking you to check the very basics very honestly, but here it goes. Are your habits of hygiene impeccable? Is your body clean and fresh smelling? Do you brush your teeth several times a day and carry gum or breath mints with you? Are your clothes clean and appropriate for the occasion? Do you follow general rules of etiquette, especially saying “please” and “thank you” clearly? Have you observed your expressions in a mirror or, even better, on a video? One of my clients comes in coughing and sneezing all over and leaves a trail of used tissues behind. Ugh-gross! Another who is a well-known male journalist has breath that would kill houseplants, while another is a constant whiner and so forth.

Generally, smiling helps a lot. Look people in the eyes and smile directly, but briefly, at them. Practice this on “safe” people on the street. Fear (as usual) is your biggest enemy. Don’t be afraid to say the first word in a social situation. If you see the same people every week in your yoga class don’t be afraid to introduce yourself to them one at a time and ask for their name and remember it. Make some form of mental note to remember their name, and when you see them again greet them casually by name. Take an interest in what others say to you. Most of all learn to LISTEN. Don’t just wait for the other person to finish so you can start talking about yourself. When you do speak make sure that by and large you have positive things to say about yourself and others. It is OK to blow your own horn a little, especially if you have just had a notable accomplishment, but do not become obnoxious about it.

Another obvious question to ask yourself is: With what sort of person or group do you wish to become popular? Your choice of clothing should be congruent with the group but in some way outstanding so you will be noticed. For instance, if business suits are the mode of dress, wearing a hot pink spandex number will get the wrong sort of attention, but a red shirt underneath the suit jacket may be perfect. Dress appropriately and remember that you are looking for friends more than sex. (Sex is good too.) As a woman, being too sexually overstated may put other women off from being your friend. Biologically I believe this is instinctual. Every female wants to attract the male carrier of the best DNA even if she is not considering a mate intellectually. Another female putting on a display is detrimental to the other females’ prime directive. Simply put, this is built in. This is not meant to be a political statement, it is only meant to be common sense.

Being empathetic and genuinely helpful will go a long way and most of all be courageous and take a chance on speaking to someone. And always remember, popularity begins by making one friend at a time.

A visualization for popularity must begin with a visualization for a friend. On a piece of paper write down a description of an ideal friend. It is OK to put down a few physical preferences like age range and such, but most of the preferences should be things like shared interests, kindness, and sociability. Turn all of the traits you don’t want in a friend into the traits that you do want. (Cruelty becomes kindness, ignorant becomes wise and aware.) Before you go to sleep but after you lie down in your bed, read your description and close your eyes and shut the light. See yourself in the particular situation in which you may initially meet your friend (such as at breakfast at a local cafe or at a Green Party meeting). See it in detail. Hear yourself  offering a greeting and smiling. Then hear your new friend answering and hear what she says. Answer and ask her name. Then let go of the scene taking place in your mind. Next go to sleep with a positive affirmation: “I am a happy person who makes friends easily.” A few nights later repeat the visualization and add another step, such as visualizing the next time you see your new friend and what happens. Keep at it until you make a new friend. It works, just DO it. 🙂

Fahrusha is available for psychic readings, intuitive counseling and life coaching.

Dreamcatcher photo by Fahrusha

Have you ever wanted to dream about a particular person or place or objective? Do you have a “heart’s desire”? I often work with people through guided imagery and creative visualization to attain their heart’s desire, be that a romantic mate or a new career or another of their life goals. The way imaging and visualization can work is truly magical.

However one thing I try to impress upon people looking for a romantic partner is not to put a face on that visualization. In other words, it is fine to work spiritually towards getting connected to a wonderful partner but it is an imposition on a particular individual to try to visualize them into your life. This is because if you do, you are then interfering with their life path and not considering that the powers that be may have someone even better in store for you.

However you may program a particular night’s dream to include an encounter with that person who has attracted your attention. The fact that you decided to dream of them on a particular night does not interfere with their autonomy. In fact, if you are at all a lucid dreamer and tend to remember your dreams, you may learn some important information about that individual and why a relationship with them would or would not be in your best interest. Recently I was helping a woman  to program her dreams.  She discovered through dreaming that the man with whom she was “in love” had certain personal habits that were loathsome to her. Though she was friendly with the man for over a year, she seldom saw him because he did not live near her and she had yet to engage in a physical relationship with him. When dreaming of him, he exhibited some repulsive behavior about which she had no idea, but the behavior subsequently was confirmed to be true by his former girlfriend. She realized sadly that an intimate relationship with him would never work out.

Programming your dreams is not limited to romantic encounters. It operates very well for working through a thorny problem in your life. Suppose there is an interpersonal problem at work, you can program your dream to find a solution to that problem. Suppose you need a certain amount of money to pay a bill that is due by the first of the month, you can program your dream to show you where you can seek that amount.

By now you may be wondering about the method I use for programming dreams. This is not a commercial blog. This is to say, no one has paid me to sponsor any products I write about, including the books I sometimes review. However there are three things that I do use to program dreams and I do recommend them. They are a Hemi-Sync CD, “Sweet Dreams” and Mountain Rose Herbs Dream Blend Herbal Tea, and galantamine, a dietary supplement. Though galantamine is a perfectly legal supplement to buy, I recommend that you consult your doctor to be sure that it is safe for you. The effect of galantamine tends to wear off with continual use, so I only use it (at most) around three consecutive nights a month. I use a 4 mg capsule of the brand called GalantaMind. This is not to be confused with a much stronger prescription drug used to treat Alzheimer’s disease marketed under various brand names. Here is a case where more is definitely not better. It is perfectly acceptable to try this technique without using galantamine if you prefer.

More information regarding galantamine, other supplements and dreaming can be found in the book Advanced Lucid Dreaming by Thomas Yuschak.

Ideally to program a dream you should be sleeping alone in a place with minimal disturbances. About an hour to hour and a half before retiring, brew a strong cup of Dream Blend Tea and take a capsule of galantamine (4 mg). Be sure you have a note pad or dream journal and writing implement next to your bed.

Directly before retiring, set up what ever audio system you need to hear the stereo Hemi-Sync “Sweet Dreams” audio. I use an i-Pod and ear phones. Once you get the hang of programming your dreams you may no longer need to listen to the guided visualization provided on the audio. You can then decide whether you want no audio at all or whether you prefer some of the Hemi-Sync Metamusic designed to take you to the dream state. Also before retiring you should decide about what you wish to dream and your objectives for that dream.

Then make yourself comfortable in your bed. It is best to lie flat on your back with a support under your neck and your spine in alignment. You should have sufficient covering to remain pleasantly warm during the night. Start up the audio and take deep relaxing breaths. Go to sleep and dream!  🙂

When you wake be sure to take your time and write down your dream(s), even if it is not the dream you asked for. This method may take practice. Express gratitude for your dreams and ponder them. You may repeat this sequence for three nights in a row.

Rumi wrote:   Thankfulness brings you to the place where the Beloved lives.