MyPictureAs an intuitive counselor and psychic reader I have noticed an unusual trend among my adult female clients. Recently I am hearing over and over that they want to be popular and they fear they are not popular. I have not heard this very much from my male clients. The males largely feel that they have inadequate drive toward personal social goals, they are tending towards “couchpotatohood”.  But this is not about the guys, though a fellow can feel free to try these ideas, as they are mostly not about being female.

First I began to wonder, “Why now?” This trend has cropped up fairly suddenly. Can it be that the online social networks are failing us? Can one have 1000 friends on Facebook and still be lonely? Or is it that working from home or working independently has social consequences? Previously, worries about popularity seemed largely confined to teen and preteen girls. Now I am seeing it in adult women.

The first question I feel compelled to ask my clients is “How do you define popularity?” Here there is confusion. From my point of view, the questioners seem to lack close intimate interaction of a friendly sort. In short, someone in whom to confide. But they cite others who are invited to more social events, though when they do attend these events, they find the other attendees boring, shallow or filled with detrimental habits. They perceive that these others are having fun while they themselves are not. I am not at all sure that these others are having such great fun.

Often the women who the questioners are comparing their popularity to, are women who others have gravitated to for personal gain. For instance, perhaps the “popular” woman can hire others for a position, or has a publicized fortune, or a famous husband. On a certain level I feel as though the questioners are not seeing the situation clearly and in reality their role models are often not all that happy.

Putting that aside I am going to make a few practical (not psychic) suggestions and close with a visualization for popularity. The practical suggestions may seem very obvious but it is astounding how many of those persons asking (as well as others) do not take care of the obvious.

It seems awful to have to start by asking you to check the very basics very honestly, but here it goes. Are your habits of hygiene impeccable? Is your body clean and fresh smelling? Do you brush your teeth several times a day and carry gum or breath mints with you? Are your clothes clean and appropriate for the occasion? Do you follow general rules of etiquette, especially saying “please” and “thank you” clearly? Have you observed your expressions in a mirror or, even better, on a video? One of my clients comes in coughing and sneezing all over and leaves a trail of used tissues behind. Ugh-gross! Another who is a well-known male journalist has breath that would kill houseplants, while another is a constant whiner and so forth.

Generally, smiling helps a lot. Look people in the eyes and smile directly, but briefly, at them. Practice this on “safe” people on the street. Fear (as usual) is your biggest enemy. Don’t be afraid to say the first word in a social situation. If you see the same people every week in your yoga class don’t be afraid to introduce yourself to them one at a time and ask for their name and remember it. Make some form of mental note to remember their name, and when you see them again greet them casually by name. Take an interest in what others say to you. Most of all learn to LISTEN. Don’t just wait for the other person to finish so you can start talking about yourself. When you do speak make sure that by and large you have positive things to say about yourself and others. It is OK to blow your own horn a little, especially if you have just had a notable accomplishment, but do not become obnoxious about it.

Another obvious question to ask yourself is: With what sort of person or group do you wish to become popular? Your choice of clothing should be congruent with the group but in some way outstanding so you will be noticed. For instance, if business suits are the mode of dress, wearing a hot pink spandex number will get the wrong sort of attention, but a red shirt underneath the suit jacket may be perfect. Dress appropriately and remember that you are looking for friends more than sex. (Sex is good too.) As a woman, being too sexually overstated may put other women off from being your friend. Biologically I believe this is instinctual. Every female wants to attract the male carrier of the best DNA even if she is not considering a mate intellectually. Another female putting on a display is detrimental to the other females’ prime directive. Simply put, this is built in. This is not meant to be a political statement, it is only meant to be common sense.

Being empathetic and genuinely helpful will go a long way and most of all be courageous and take a chance on speaking to someone. And always remember, popularity begins by making one friend at a time.

A visualization for popularity must begin with a visualization for a friend. On a piece of paper write down a description of an ideal friend. It is OK to put down a few physical preferences like age range and such, but most of the preferences should be things like shared interests, kindness, and sociability. Turn all of the traits you don’t want in a friend into the traits that you do want. (Cruelty becomes kindness, ignorant becomes wise and aware.) Before you go to sleep but after you lie down in your bed, read your description and close your eyes and shut the light. See yourself in the particular situation in which you may initially meet your friend (such as at breakfast at a local cafe or at a Green Party meeting). See it in detail. Hear yourself  offering a greeting and smiling. Then hear your new friend answering and hear what she says. Answer and ask her name. Then let go of the scene taking place in your mind. Next go to sleep with a positive affirmation: “I am a happy person who makes friends easily.” A few nights later repeat the visualization and add another step, such as visualizing the next time you see your new friend and what happens. Keep at it until you make a new friend. It works, just DO it. 🙂

Fahrusha is available for psychic readings, intuitive counseling and life coaching.

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